I discovered a new word today. It was during the Fierce Faith Summit led by Alli Worthington. I forgot this was something I signed up for, which isn't too surprising, as I'm an avid "signer-upper" of all the things. 

I try to my best to stay aware of when I've gone too far with this tendency, as it results in too much on my plate. Too much is my default, and something I have to seek Christ in over and over.  As I once heard it put, as we walk in faith with Christ, there is a ditch on either side. I quickly fall into the ditch of excess when it comes to learning, and taking in new information. As a result, I heap shame on each time I find myself going after too much. 

However, today I found peace in a new word. God keeps being so abundant with my word of the year. During Bianca Olthoff session with the Summit, she explained herself as voracious. How she loves stretching capacity and going after more. That there's a life to live, and we're not promised tomorrow so let's get after it. 

vo·ra·cious (vəˈrāSHəs) 
having a very eager approach to an activity.

The freedom she had as she explained her voraciousness resonated with my soul. If you look at the various things in my life, I carry passion that often goes unmatched. As I read the definition of the word, it felt like my heart finally learned the name of its best friend bringing the relationship to a new place of life. My voracious tendencies in regards to the things I'm passionate about has heaped shame on me for years.  
As with everything in life, what God wants to use in us, can easily be used by the enemy to work against us. It requires humility and faith to walk out the gifts God gives us, as our propensity to drive into the ditch is so strong. What has carried such weight in my life, I can now see that God wants to use for his will. I can see God in my voraciousness and has a good plan as I wrestle with this, to stay on the road and not veer off course. 

I see God going one step further with this whole concept in the teaching Alisa Keeton shared on day one of Revelation Wellness' Clean Hearting Challenge. 

She explained when we work from a place of motivation, it wanes. I've seen this play out over and over when I go after various things in life with my voraciousness. She explained when we operate from a place of expectancy God has the space to show up and create lasting change.  Being encouraged to walk out my faithful obedience with expectancy is a whole new thought for me. 

One thing I keep coming back to is the fact this blogging journey wasn't my idea. In fact, I was desperate for God to remove it. The thought of doing "one more thing" just piled the shame on higher due to my "voracious" tendencies. Fearing "my" motivation driving the wheel, I wanted for once to stop doing more and just do the things he's already given me. At the start of the new year, I didn't want to give into the tendency I most feared and do more. 

Due to my reluctance, I've been telling God to drive this. Because I've been operating from a place of expectancy, waiting for him to show up and lead the way, I didn't even recognize why it's been different.

I've been able to see this play out over and over the past week. One example is this post. I've been eager to post my 2018 goals, and God has called me to hold off on this. I know that because I haven't had peace with it.  I've been trying to drive it forward, the time I had slotted to accomplish a post about my 2018 goals, turned into these words instead, new words that came pouring out on my page faster than my fingers could type. 

One reason I believe he's wanted me to wait is there was something he needed me to first hear and then share here before I ever shared a what "I" do post. At Revelation Wellness they like to say "You Do You." My heart of every post, every image, every bit of what God has me share on here is exactly this. "You Do You" 

While I want to share things in my life, my greatest fear is encouraging comparison. Comparison is the thief of our joy, and the last thing I want is to take that away. God loves us ALL so uniquely. To think we all need to look a certain way robs God of the beauty and vibrancy he desires in each of our lives. We are to reflect his image, which is so rich and beautiful. We NEED to look different from each other. We NEED to do life differently from one another. 

So maybe voracious isn't a word you'd resonate with, and you read this and are prone to carry shame. Please hear me, that isn't from God. He never shames us. In fact, He died so that we'd be free of those exact feelings. God created you to be YOU, so whatever that looks like, be that.   

So I don't know what my next post will look like, or when it will take place, but I wait in expectancy. This is new territory for me. I'm prone to lay down MY plans in advance, which always falls so short. I encourage you to do the same with whatever God has you walking through. Wait with expectancy and live out your life as God is calling you to. 

"Now if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with patience." Romans 8:25